An Epidemic of Lonely Young Men
When I was a young man…uh, many, many years ago. More than you’re thinking right now. Anyway, I was a self-absorbed jerk. It wasn’t completely my fault. I was raised in a culture where being macho was more important than being true to who you are. It was more important to appear to be strong, to not back down from a fight, and to value myself based on my ability to drink booze.
You read that right.
Now, if I’d met my wife when I was that person, I can’t imagine I’d have gotten a second date. Or even a first date, if I’m honest. No, I wasn’t abusive or cruel or hostile or anything like that. I simply didn’t have the experience to understand that my baked-in world view might have been lacking some things—such as treating women like fellow human beings.
So when I hear that there’s an epidemic of lonely young men (read: lonely, because they’re making excuses for their lashing out, of course), I know that that needs a bit of translation. And quite a lot of translation at that. So here’s a story:
I was hanging out in a bar with a friend. This friend is someone who seems intelligent, but also weirdly worshipped at the shrine of crypto. I’ll give that a pass, though, because it’s crypto, and not good or bad, just mainly misunderstood. I get the appeal. But this same friend was complaining about how they were having difficulty meeting/dating just a “nice girl.” This phrase must have come up multiple times, and I should have asked what it meant, but didn’t. I have thoughts though. For one, I live in Portland, OR, and if I may generalize, many of the women here have serious agency. There aren’t many Stepford Wife types in the vicinity, if you get what I mean. So what I thought then and still do is that he was looking for someone subservient, without much personality, who would follow him around and be arm candy, or stay at home in the kitchen cooking and generally undervalue herself.
Don’t judge him too harshly.
The truth of the matter is that this is the type of woman that I might have found appealing long ago, before I realized that the box I put women in was…how should we say…not real. Allow me to explain: nobody is inherently as subservient and docile as many in our United States culture would like them to be. If you are seeing that behavior, then what you’re really seeing is someone who is faking it. Don’t get me wrong, people might enjoy taking care of the people they love. That’s not wrong. But it has to work both ways. Unfortunately, many “lonely young men” don’t even consider that fact.
It took me a long time to become the person I am today. It took me way too long to realize that yes, housework is work, and I need to do my fair share. It’s completely unfair to let my significant other, the person I love above all others, chore away while I sit on my keister. But a lot of the “lonely young men” think that women are only good for two things.
You figure that out.
In truth, if these “lonely young men” want relationships that matter, they need to put in the work to get past themselves, which in their defense, is really hard in a society that keeps reinforcing their butt hurt world view through people like Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan, telling them how right they are.
Here’s a clue though: don’t take relationship advice from a rapist or a reality tv show host. What would be better?
Therapy.
Seriously. I’m not even joking. Take a minute, get over yourself, and walk yourself into a therapist office before you hurt yourself or others. Commit, take it seriously, and stop with this pseudo-masculine bulls*@#. Because if we’re talking about “real men,” we’re talking about protectors, not abusers. We’re talking about people who speak the truth, not lie to get what they want. We’re talking about people who are confident, not arrogant.
There’s a place for real masculinity in society, not the toxic, fake stuff that some pawn off as the real thing. And if you stick to that, you won’t have any problem finding a partner in this life. The fake stuff may seem clever to you, but it’s really transparent and foolish, and nobody wants that.
